David Balmer
Run After You Blind

I want to be out of this. So much for trying. I want to be alone. I want somebody to love. I want...
"WAKE UP!" screamed a young woman's voice.
I roll around and grumble, and I mutter words that no one but I can understand: "...mmidon'twaantowakkeupp..." I know full well that she didn't hear me, but I didn't care. Today is Saturday and I have nothing to do, no responsibilities. Yes, I'll just ignore her while I roll around, and then I'll go back to sleep.
Later, I wake up. There in front of me sits our TV, with all the game systems sloppily slewn around it. In fact, the Wii is still on...
"Who left the Wii on?!" Nobody replies to my demand. I look around and see the white board where we leave messages to each other.
-See you later tonite you bum, JK(Kaylee)- -I left my rent on your desk (Aaron)- -I'm going to rent a movie this time, thanks for getting one last week(Sean)- -I want to talk. (Jill)-
I look at the messages that were left to me: "Just like her to say that..." I said to myself as I look at what Kaylee had written.
I continue orally replying to each message: "Finally...freakin' Aaron..."
"Heh, you didn't have to; I hope you actually pick a good movie..."
"'I want to talk'..." What the heck is that supposed to mean! I mean, what could that possibly mean other than 'We're breaking up'?! I got so angry that the couch became an even worse mess than it was after I had slept on it. I then decided that I should fix the couch back up after I had let off some steam. While I was finishing up, I looked around to see what time it was. The clock was gone. The other clock was gone as well. I liked that one too. Great.
Sean came home a little later, and we started to eat dinner.
"So you really just slept all day today?" Inquired Sean as we ate.
"No, I cleaned a little before you got home."
"Cleaned what?" His face was full of disbelief.
"I...okay, I just spiffed up things, no real 'cleaning' took place..." I slowly turned my head away with a sheepish face.
"Ah, gotcha...last night was fun though...how late did you stay up? We all crashed around three."
I reply proudly: "Five thirty! WoW was calling my name after you guys fell asleep...we were having so much fun playing on the Wii too but you all just had to run out of energy!" I just realized that it had been I who had forgotten to turn off the Wii...D'oh...
"So how are you and Jill doing?"
"What do you mean?!" I overreact as if I had been insulted.
"Whoa, must not be good, then."
"It's fine, I just...whatever." I sat back down at the couch but I do not pay attention to the TV. Consumed in my own thoughts and such in my head, I do not even notice when Sean left. I continued to stare at my half-eaten pasta that I made an hour ago. What is going on between me and Jill? We live in the same place and we are going out, yet I feel that she is farther from me than everyone else whom lives here. I stew in my own negativity and I did not notice the door open, but I did hear it close.
"Kaylee? You left those guys to have fun together again didn't you..." I then say to myself as I look away from the door: "Jill's probably hitting on Aaron again..."
"What was that?"
"What was wha-" I looked up into Jill's face. "Ah. Hey Jill." She drew her face from me and said: "So let's talk."
So we talked. She said that she wanted to be by herself for a while. She was going to her parents tomorrow for the next two weeks. Instead of spending that time with us; the next two weeks, meaning spring break from college, at her parents house.
I ask her: "Why are you taking the clocks? I love the blue one, you know that!"
"Because they are mine, and I may not come back."
"You bought me that blue one last Christmas!" I did not pay attention to the latter half of her statement, blinded by the fact that I should be the owner of my blue clock.
"So what? You can keep this, though." She handed me back her last birthday present, her watch that I had bought her. Which had cost me half my paycheck.
"You take MY clock but you don't want your watch I got you!?"
She stared into my eyes and burned me not with flames but with her gaze. "I don't want it anymore, and I don't want to live here anymore either!" She took what was the last of her things in a half-broken cardboard box and she walked out the door.
Dang, I really want that clock back...how am I going to keep the time now?
Sean came out of the bathroom and sat down next to me. "Yeah, I guess you guys really aren't doing good...sorry man."
I unconsciously put the watch on my left wrist. "It's okay. I always though that we wouldn't last." I sigh and look to the TV.
"...so she really just packed up and left? I though it was weird of her to re-clean you guys's already clean room...I guess that wasn't cleaning but packing." Sean got back up and walked to the fridge.
I turn off the TV and go back to my room, which was both Jill's and my room.
Sean calls to me across the hall after opening a can of soda: "So what are you planning on doing?"
He continues: "You know that girl in your chemistry class likes you."
I do not reply.
"Hah, do whatever you want, just don't drag the rest of us with you and your grumpiness." He proceeded to his room but he left the door open.
I turn to my homework, which is due on Monday night. My homework, which is to type out a report on chemistry stuffs as my final. I don't want to finish these last 10 pages...
The next morning I wake up around ten and I take a shower. I think to myself: What should I do? There's that girl...what was her name?..Ah, Tina! No, wait...I barely know her. ...but that's the whole point of dating, right? Okay, how do I ask her to hang out...' wanna get some coffee after school?'...No, that's too blunt...
-Bang Bang-, someone beats on the bathroom door. "Let me use your bathroom; Aaron is ignoring me and he's not getting out of the other bathroom..." a girl's voice pleads.
"Who is this? Jill?"
"No, it's Kaylee. Please, I need to use the restroom."
"Just come in...I'm in the shower right now and I can't just leave!" I still had shampoo on my head. It had been on my head for the last 10 minutes because I had been thinking and not paying attention to the time.
"Uh, okay." She came in. "Good thing that there's a dividing wall between the toilet and the bathtub...I wouldn't do this if there weren't."
I go back to thinking about that girl: ...uh...Tina! So, I should just ask her if she wants to work together on the next group work thingy...Or maybe I should...wait. Classes are over for this quarter! "Danggit!" I spit out.
"...yes?"
"Huh? I, uh, I was just thinking about something and I realized something..." I trailed off.
"...riight..whatever, hehe. Thanks for letting me in, I assume the shower covered up any embarrassing noises?"
"...What? Oh, I didn't hear anything. Don't worry."
"Well don't stay in there too long or you'll be red and shriveled up!"
Aaron walked up to me after I got out. "So why didn't you call us up and join us last night?! It was awesome! Kaylee had to drive me home though..." Aaron slides closer to me and whispers: "and she still wouldn't let me kiss her! I mean really, 19 and she wouldn't be a healthy young woman at that dance party...she wouldn't even dance with me!" He then backed up and boasted: "I did manage to dance with several other hot chicks though." He then started to laugh and he batted me on the shoulder before returning to his room.
"What was that?" Sean asked me as he closed the front door.
"That was Aaron. And here comes it." I start to walk away, backing up discretely.
"What's wrong with Jitters?" Sean kneeled down and started to scratch it under the neck. "He's a very nice cat. Why do you not like him?" Sean grabbed it by the sides and walked towards me with it's face pointing right at me. The beat-up and old face of that gray tabby scares me somehow. I don't know why, other than the fact that Aaron's furniture can't possibly be the only thing it wants to scratch and take hunks out of. Namely me.
"Uh, hehe...I'm uh, good...yeah, well I still got that final to type!" I bolt for my room and close the door.
"Suit yourself." Sean replied.
I breathe again and take a seat at my desk. I grab for my pen. It's not there. It is not in the pen jar that is no longer there..."What the heck." I look around my room and make mental notes of everything that is missing: "...she took my freaking phone charger..." even though she lost hers and she knew it. "Ah, but she left her stupid posters I don't like. Nice." I turn to our, I mean my bed and notice that the alarm clock is gone too. "Well I have been using my phone alarms the last few weeks since I've been sleeping on the couch. I guess it doesn't matter much anymore..." I laid down on the bed, and look at my watch. Her watch. I cry.
Now what? Do I bring her back? Should I even bother? I want my freaking clocks back. Just the blue one would do. Yes, I'll go to her parents' house and demand for my clock back. She can have her watch back then, too. It'll be like pirates, and doing that freaking...parley thing, where we discuss and trade without fighting...right! Okay, let's go and...wait, no. It's already dinner time. Tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow I'll talk to her. She should have cooled her head by then.
I walk out of my room, making sure my face is dry, and I tell everyone that I'll make dinner tonite.
"I'll help." Kaylee says as she get up and walks towards the kitchen area.
"I'll pass." Aaron turned back to the TV.
"Do you need my help?" asked Sean.
"Thanks Sean, but we can handle it. Besides, it'd be a bit crowded with three people in there." I then walk past the couch and into the kitchen where Kaylee was already prepping stuffs for dinner. I open the fridge and I hear "mRWAEOOOW!" "Whoops, sorry about that, It." Musta swung the fridge door into it.
Kaylee interrupts me with: "You know his name is Jitters, just call him Jitters, not It."
"Okay, fine. Sorry Itters." I laugh at my own joke and shoo Itters away.
"Jeeze, be mean to the poor kitty."
"Hahah, hah...okay, let's make dinner."
The next day, I wake up and get ready for the day. I finish up planning: Right, I'm going to her house, and I'm getting my stuff back. This has nothing to do with getting back with her. We can talk...and stuff, but I'm just going to go there for my things she took.
I continue to think to myself as I drive across town to her parents' house. I arrive, but I wait in the car while I continue to decide what to say. I figure it out, get out of the car and open up my trunk. All that is inside is a box half-full of the things she left at our apartment. I walk up to her door, and I go to knock. Wait, is it okay to do this? I mean, she just left this weekend. Should I even be doing this at all? Is it worth it. I shake my head to straighten myself out. No! I continue to pep-talk myself in my head. I am just giving her stuff back and making sure that things are straightened out. Just making sure our relationship isn't dead. We can still be dating!
I knock on the door. I wait. I ring the doorbell. Twice. Three times.
I wait. Five minutes. I sit down on the porch next to the door. Where is she? In fact, where's her family? What time is it? I look to my wrist, but her watch isn't there. Oh yeah...it's somewhere in here. I pat the box. So how long should I wait? Man, I'm tired...I shouldn't have stayed up all night...I sigh to myself and continue thinking: I did spend the whole time debating whether I should come here and if I do, planning what I would do...I slowly drift off into daydream as my head leans to the right onto the porch's hand rail post I sat next to.
I dream off a young man. Now there is a young woman at his side. They sit on an island, by themselves. The sun is high in the sky and they get up to play in the beautiful waters. The woman goes out to further into the sea, and the man swims to follow. The sun is setting now. She drifts farther away, and though the man cannot hear her, and he keeps swimming away from the island and after her. She goes away and out of sight, and yet he keeps swimming. He can no longer see the island from whence he came from. A boat drives by, and there in it are his friends. They tell him to stop swimming after her, and that he'll lose sight of them too, or even drown if he does not come with them. The young man catches a glimpse of his woman, but she is no longer his: she is with another young man on another island. A battleship drives up to him, and uses a megaphone to call to him. He starts to drown, his body being shoved back and forth. He still hears the voices. Jill?
"WAKE UP!" screamed a young woman's voice.
I shift around and grumble, and I mutter words that no one but I can understand: "...mmidon'twaantowakkeupp..."
"What are you doing at my house sleeping next to the front door? You had better have a good reason for this."
I open my eyes to see my girlfriend, wait...my ex, standing in front of me. I get up and grab the box of her stuff and hand it to her. "Here," I say "these are yours. You left them."
"Thank you..." She looks at me funny before grabbing the box.
"So how are you doing? I mean, living back at your parents."
"Fine. You just came here to give me my stuff and ask me petty questions?"
"I just came to say..." I...no. I released all my built up hopes; I finally got it. "...that I wish you good luck, and that I had fun while we were together. If you wouldn't mind, could we still keep in touch and hang out with everyone else occasionally? You know, as friends."
She looked at me in shock. Then she stood there and thought. Of what, I could only guess; I hoped that it wasn't a way to trash talk me colorfully.
She reached her decision and said, "Okay. I can do that." She reached out one hand.
I reach out my hand as well and we shake. "Friends?"
"Friends," she replied happily. "Oh yeah, I didn't really want your clock...I mean, it's your clock so you should take it back..." She walking inside and walked back out of her house a minute later with my blue clock that she gave me once upon a time. "Here," she said. "Take it."
"Thanks!" I grab my clock back and head towards my car and shout over my shoulder: "Call me sometime over this break and we can all...go to the beach sometime!"
Jill laughs and replies: "Sure, whatever!"
I get in my car and drive home. I feel better, like my head has been cleared after a bad cold; like I lost 20 pounds, or if I had gotten that 10 page chemistry report done. I think about hangin' with my friends, even with Jill if she wants to come too. I think about enjoying my spring break. I think about Kaylee...No, not right now. I'll wait a little before I jump to the next person. I think about how to be better in relationships in the future. Of what I did wrong. I heard plenty of what I was doing wrong the last few weeks from Jill. I think...and I remember my report was due tonite at midnight. Argh!
Jill then thinks to herself: I broke up with him because he was so freaking clingy to me that it was very uncomfortable...at least he's gotten a little better, and now he might be able to stay with whomever he finds next. Hehe, he was always more of a friend to me; now we can find our own partners to love.